I feel like I have no way out of this marriage. My spouse has all the control. The love and respect is gone. How can I get out?

It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and trapped in a marriage where love and respect are gone, and you feel controlled by your spouse

Please know that you are not alone, and there are resources and steps you can take to reclaim your life and safety. 

1. Recognize the Situation

  • Feeling controlled and disrespected are red flags in a relationship.
  • Emotional abuse, which can include feeling controlled or isolated, can significantly chip away at your self-esteem. 

2. Seek Support & Safety Planning

  • Prioritize your safety and well-being: Your immediate safety is paramount.
  • Reach out for help: Confide in a trusted friend, family member, or professional who is supportive and non-judgmental.
  • Contact a domestic violence hotline or organization: They can provide invaluable support, guidance, and help you create a safety plan. You can find local resources through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or search online directories.
  • Create a safety plan: This plan should include where you will go, how you will leave, and how to stay safe during and after leaving. Consider two plans: one if you have time to prepare and one in case you need to leave quickly.
  • Secure communications: Use a safe phone or computer to research your escape plan and seek help, as your spouse may be monitoring your devices.
  • Consider a protective order: If you are in immediate danger or fear for your safety, explore filing for a protective order. 

3. Explore Your Options for Leaving

  • Education is empowerment: Learn about your options for ending the marriage, such as divorce.
  • Gather important documents: Secure essential documents like your driver’s license, birth certificate, financial records, and copies of any legal orders.
  • Pack a bag: Prepare a bag with essentials that you can easily grab when you leave.
  • Financial preparation: If possible, set aside money and explore options for financial independence. Organizations may offer financial literacy tools and assistance.
  • Legal options:
    • Divorce: In Maryland, you can file for divorce on grounds such as mutual consent, six-month separation, or irreconcilable differences.
    • Mutual Consent Divorce: If you and your spouse can agree on the terms of your divorce (alimony, property division, child custody), you can pursue a mutual consent divorce.
    • Six-Month Separation: You can still live under the same roof, but live separate lives for at least six months before filing for divorce based on this ground.
    • Irreconcilable Differences: You can file for divorce based on irreconcilable differences if you believe your marriage should end for reasons that cannot be resolved.
    • Consult a divorce attorney: A lawyer experienced in domestic violence cases can help you understand your legal rights and options, including filing a protective order.
  • Consider resources for leaving a toxic relationship: Build a support system, explore ways to become more independent, and lean on family, friends, or professionals for help.
  • Don’t wait to seek professional support: A therapist can help you understand your thought processes, uncover harmful coping patterns, and support you during and after the transition. 

4. Taking Action

  • Communicate your plan: Share your plan with trusted individuals who can support you, and inform your employer or children’s school if needed.
  • Leave when it’s safest: Choose a time to leave when your spouse will least expect it.
  • Take steps to ensure your safety after leaving: Get a new phone, change your passwords, and consider an Address Confidentiality Program if available in your state.
  • File legal paperwork: Consult with an attorney to file the appropriate divorce papers and any necessary protective orders.
  • Seek ongoing support: Continued counseling and support groups can help you heal and rebuild your life. 

Important Reminders:

  • Your safety is the priority: If you feel your life is in danger, call emergency services (911 in the U.S.).
  • You don’t have to navigate this alone: There are resources and people who can help you.
  • Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, but it is a courageous step: You can reclaim your freedom and safety. 

Please reach out to the resources listed above for personalized support and guidance. You deserve to live a life free from control and fear.

Call JC Law to discuss your future!