In coining the term “Trilogy Modum,” I aim to illuminate a complex interplay of dysfunctions and attitudes that individuals, both men and women, develop due to three primary causative factors: physical, sexual, or emotional abuse; the experience of being an adult child of an alcoholic (or any form of substance abuse); and addiction to pornography. Each of these factors, when considered in isolation, presents a significant challenge to one’s well-being. However, when these elements converge, their combined impact can be profoundly destructive, capable of undermining and obliterating healthy aspects of emotional and physical health.
In this exploration, I will delve into each aspect of this triad of harm, with the hope that you will recognize the potent synergy that arises when these conditions coexist. While each can be individually traumatic, their combined effect can be devastating, hindering personal growth and disrupting healthy emotional and physical development.
Physical, Sexual, and Emotional Abuse
The first component of the Trilogy Modum is the presence of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. These forms of abuse are tragically pervasive in our society and around the world. While pinpointing exact figures remains challenging, the available statistics paint a stark picture of the problem’s magnitude.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), an average of nearly 2,000 individuals in the United States experience physical abuse at the hands of an intimate partner each day. The NCADV also estimates that one in four women and one in nine men will endure severe intimate partner physical violence in their lifetimes. Moreover, the Center for Family Justice (CFFJ) estimates that one in four women and one in six men will experience sexual abuse during their lives. Disturbingly, reports of child abuse are made every ten seconds in the United States, as reported by the American Society for the Positive Care of Children. By the age of eighteen, one in three girls and one in seven boys will have been sexually assaulted. This painful reality affects countless individuals who experienced such trauma in their childhood and now carry those scars into adulthood. I speak from experience, as I am one of them.
Abuse, in any form, is a source of trauma. While trauma is an unfortunate reality of life, it should not deter us from seeking to understand how we have arrived at a point where dysfunctional patterns hinder our progress and prevent us from living fulfilling lives. These patterns can manifest in various aspects of life, from professional endeavors to personal relationships, and can even result in a pervasive sense of sadness within oneself. While I don’t suggest that therapy is a universal solution, I firmly believe that each of us must take responsibility for the final outcome of our lives. Every ingredient that has contributed to shaping who we are matters and plays a role in how we perceive life and relationships.
Men and women develop a tough exterior and avoid confronting the thoughts and feelings that shape them. However, I eventually realized that exploring one’s background and the factors that have influenced one’s development can have a significant impact on how one lives life. For me, it meant recognizing that certain thought patterns had been established that defined my persona. Early on, I harbored anger toward the world, and I attempted to use that anger to dominate my personal relationships and achieve professional success. This anger did propel me forward to a certain extent. It fueled my ambition to become a lawyer and directed my efforts toward achieving my goals.
However, I soon found myself caught in a destructive cycle. I was relentlessly pushing myself, but I wasn’t progressing as I desired. Something was holding me back, and I knew it was rooted in my mindset. For some reason, I was preventing myself from achieving greater success.
I came to understand that it wasn’t necessarily the trauma itself that was hindering me, but rather the emotional and functional dynamics I had developed to cope with those issues. I had created mechanisms for dealing with the external world. Anger, being “pumped up,” and unwavering determination became my emotional drugs of choice.
The crucial aspect of this realization was understanding how I interacted emotionally and mentally with the world. My perspective and approach to situations were leading me to a dead end. Anger and determination could only take me so far. I realized that I had to stop viewing myself and the world through the lens I had created as a child. I needed to forge a new perspective, to open my mind to see the true Jim Crawford, with all his imperfections and strengths, and to abandon the old methodologies that governed my approach to life, including personal relationships and business endeavors.
As the blurring of the old lens began to fade, I gained clarity and newfound understanding. Suddenly, I became receptive to criticism, acknowledging my need for new ways to approach and engage in personal relationships and business dealings. Each of us can observe the same object and offer a slightly different description of its true nature. This is due to our individual perceptions. We tend to navigate our entire world through perceptions established long ago. We interpret issues, events, people, jobs, and life through the frameworks we created in the past. These are the ingredients that shape the final product—our lives.
Sexual, physical, and emotional abuse can introduce an ingredient that leads individuals to view the world in a dysfunctional way for much of their lives. The key lies in unraveling these created thoughts and discarding them. Bake a new cake with new ingredients that you understand. This is the first step in understanding why you repeat the same patterns. Instead of defending your actions, dissect them and understand their origins.
