Discovering that the person you vowed to love and cherish has physically harmed you is a devastating and terrifying experience. You are not alone, and you deserve safety and support. It’s crucial to understand that physical violence is never acceptable, regardless of the circumstances. If your spouse has put their hands on you, you need to prioritize your safety and take immediate action.
Here’s a breakdown of steps you should take:
1. Ensure Your Immediate Safety
- Remove Yourself from the Situation: If possible, leave the immediate area. Go to a different room, a neighbor’s house, or a public place like a community center or library. Anything to create distance between you and your abuser.
- Focus on De-escalation (If Leaving Is Impossible): If leaving isn’t immediately possible, try to remain calm and avoid escalating the situation further. Do not engage in arguments or try to reason with your abuser. Focus on protecting yourself physically.
- Call for Help: Don’t hesitate to call emergency services (911 in the US, 112 in Europe, and other local equivalents). Tell the operator you have been assaulted and need assistance. Having a police report will be crucial later, even if you’re hesitant to press charges immediately.
2. Document the Abuse
- Record the Incident: As soon as you are safe, write down everything you remember about the incident. Include the date, time, location, what happened before, during, and after the violence, and any specific words that were used.
- Take Pictures of Injuries: Photograph any bruises, cuts, or other physical injuries. Document the size and location of the injuries. These photos can be vital evidence.
- Preserve Evidence: Save any torn clothing, broken objects, or anything else that demonstrates the violence.
3. Seek Medical Attention
- Prioritize Your Health: Even if you don’t think you’re seriously injured, it’s crucial to see a doctor. A medical professional can document your injuries, provide necessary treatment, and offer support.
- Be Honest with the Doctor: Tell the doctor how you were injured. This is vital for your medical record and potential legal proceedings.
4. Explore Legal Options
- Consider a Restraining Order (Protective Order): A restraining order prohibits your spouse from contacting or approaching you. This can provide a crucial layer of protection.
- Consult with an Attorney: A lawyer specializing in domestic violence can advise you on your legal rights and options, including divorce, separation, child custody, and pressing charges. They can help you navigate the legal system and protect your interests.
- Know Your Rights: Educate yourself about the laws in your area regarding domestic violence, assault, and spousal abuse.
5. Seek Emotional Support
- Reach Out to Trusted Friends and Family: Talking to people you trust can provide emotional support and validation. Let them know what happened and how they can help.
- Contact a Domestic Violence Hotline or Shelter: These resources offer confidential support, counseling, and access to safe housing. They can provide a listening ear and connect you with resources in your community. (See resources below.)
- Therapy: Seek professional therapy from a therapist specializing in trauma and domestic violence. Therapy can help you process the abuse, develop coping mechanisms, and rebuild your life.
6. Create a Safety Plan:
- Develop an Escape Plan: Think about how you would leave your home quickly and safely in case of another violent incident. Identify safe places to go and trusted people who can help.
- Pack an Emergency Bag: Prepare a bag with essential items like money, identification, medications, important documents, and phone chargers. Keep it hidden but easily accessible.
- Change Your Routine: Vary your daily routine (route to work, grocery shopping times, etc.) to make it harder for your abuser to predict your movements.
Important Considerations
- Abuse Is Never Your Fault: No matter what your spouse says or does, you are not responsible for their abusive behavior.
- Abuse Tends to Escalate: Physical violence rarely happens only once. It’s likely to continue and worsen over time.
- Leaving Is Often the Most Dangerous Time: Abusers may become more violent when they realize their victim is trying to leave. Plan your exit carefully and seek help from a domestic violence organization.
- Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of all abusive incidents, including dates, times, descriptions of the abuse, and any witnesses.
Resources
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): ncadv.org
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or online.rainn.org
- Your local domestic violence shelter or advocacy group: Search online for “domestic violence resources [your city/state]”
Remember, you deserve to be safe and live a life free from violence. Taking these steps can help you protect yourself and begin the healing process. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help—you are not alone.
