by Jim Crawford
As someone who has observed and studied the impact of pornography on individuals and relationships, I firmly believe that even casual viewing can significantly impair a person’s ability to function normally in intimate relationships. While societal norms often downplay or normalize pornography consumption, the evidence increasingly suggests a darker reality. The changes it can induce in male libido and, consequently, in the dynamics of male-female relationships are undeniable. One of the most insidious aspects of this phenomenon is its seemingly selective impact. Some individuals seem to be less affected, their brains more resilient to the chemical changes triggered by pornography. However, studies are increasingly demonstrating that pornography can indeed be addictive, sharing characteristics with other addictive behaviors such as alcoholism, drug abuse, and gambling. This recognition is crucial, as it underscores the severity of pornography addiction as a global problem. I have personally witnessed countless individuals, both young and old, ensnared by the allure of excessive pornography use. This perspective often clashes with societal expectations, which tend to portray male promiscuity and pornography consumption as normal aspects of male development. While this may have held some truth in the past, before the advent of high-speed internet and readily accessible explicit content, the game has changed. The impact of traditional sex books or magazines like Hustler or Playboy pales in comparison to the profound neurochemical alterations triggered by modern internet pornography.
In my experience, working with numerous young men caught in the web of pornography use, I’ve observed a concerning trend: the dominance of technology in their lives. Communication through texting and apps has largely replaced face-to-face interactions, and traditional forms of courtship, such as flirting, dating, and even phone calls, are becoming increasingly rare. The prevalence of young people sharing explicit photos and videos, once considered unthinkable, has become disturbingly commonplace. What worries me most is the apparent decline in the desire for meaningful relationships among many young men and women. “Hookup apps” seem to reign supreme, and many young men lack the drive and ambition that characterized previous generations. While there are certainly exceptions, a growing number of young people seem disinterested in pursuing the goals and aspirations that once defined youth.
I recall a time when obtaining a car was a paramount goal for a young man, both for personal transportation and to impress potential partners. It required hard work and resourcefulness. Today, however, many young men seem indifferent to such pursuits, as if they have deliberately diminished their aspirations. Sex, in their minds, is readily available online, eliminating the need for effort or vulnerability. Consequently, women’s expectations of men have also shifted.
From my legal practice and personal observations, the most significant issue I’ve encountered with pornography use is its potential to desensitize individuals to the sexual desires and emotional needs of real-life partners. It places men in a situation where they receive sexual gratification through a screen, leading to an addiction that can last for years, even a lifetime. Imagine the frustration and emotional pain of a partner who is met with disinterest in intimacy and sex. It can be devastating, destroying relationships and leaving individuals unable to recognize the damage they are causing. They become numb to the needs of others and, perhaps more tragically, to their own needs. The brain adapts, perceiving a video as a substitute for a genuine sexual encounter, leading to physical and emotional harm. Erectile dysfunction, for instance, is increasingly reported by men as young as eighteen, highlighting the detrimental effects of long-term pornography use.
Over the decades, pornography has undergone numerous transformations. Initially condemned as a sin and a path to damnation, it has gradually gained acceptance in many segments of society. However, the effort to understand its true impact on men, women, and relationships is still in its early stages. Books like Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson have shed light on the issue, but many remain oblivious to the insidious effects that pornography can have on their relationships and their long-term well-being.
In my view, pornography often acts as the third component of a “Trilogy of Doom,” a potent combination that can hold individuals captive for years. This trilogy consists of a history of physical or sexual abuse, certain personality traits or behaviors resulting from growing up in an alcoholic household, and pornography addiction. The first two factors create a vulnerability, while pornography serves to numb individuals, preventing them from seeking help and escaping the cycle of despair. I believe that therapists should directly address this trilogy in their practice. These three factors combined are responsible for an immeasurable amount of suffering and heartache. If this discussion encourages health professionals to examine this devastating combination more closely, then it will have been well worth the effort. The convergence of past trauma, dysfunctional family dynamics, and the readily available escape of pornography can create a perfect storm, hindering personal growth, damaging relationships, and perpetuating a cycle of addiction and emotional detachment. By recognizing and addressing these interconnected issues, we can begin to help individuals break free from the destructive influence of pornography and embark on a path towards healing and genuine connection.
